One of the least expected but most certain events in life is death - a family member, close friend, or fellow church member. Death shows no partiality. There may come a time when you are the person responsible for handling the affairs following someone's passing. In order to best prepare you for handling the many responsibilities and tasks associated with a death, we have included in this handbook some helpful material. May God's strengthening grace accompany all that surrounds the use of this material.
We wish to extend a special thanks to Marty Kovacs, Licensed Funeral Director, for allowing us to use information from her book Funerals Aren't for the Dead, and for reviewing this information for accuracy. For more information and details on this subject please refer to her book.
Who To Call:
When a loved one dies you will need to make some phone calls.
- Pastor: One of the first people you call should be your pastor. He can provide you with comfort, counsel, prayer and strength.
- Doctor: You should also call the deceased's doctor. The attending physician will indicate the cause of death to be placed on the death certificate completed by the funeral home
- Funeral Director: You will need to call your funeral director. They are trained to care for the deceased as well as to render services to the living. The choice of your funeral home should have been made long in advance of need, calmly and intelligently. One way to select a funeral home is to drop in unexpectedly and watch how you are treated. This is an indication of the kind of firm they are. You must contact the funeral home so they can take possession of the body from the place of death and make the necessary transfer of the remains.
- Friends and Relatives: Friends and relatives will need to be notified.
Information You Will Need:
You will need insurance policies, military discharge papers (if the deceased was a veteran), and social security number. A death certificate will be filed with the Board of Health by the funeral director; get several copies while you can at a nominal charge. When you go to meet with the funeral director, take these things with you:
- The deceased's full, legal name. Include any aliases, maiden or divorced names.
- The deceased's last address.
- The deceased's date of birth, and city and state (country) of birth.
- The deceased's mother's and father's full names and where each of them were born. Include the mother's maiden name.
- The deceased's level of education.
- Information regarding what the deceased did for a living, companies worked for and for how long.
- The deceased's social security number.
- Information regarding if the deceased was in the military and what branch and area of service.
- The deceased's nationality and race.
Embalming:
The whole purpose behind embalming is to make the body acceptable for viewing and to retard decomposition. Embalming is not required by law in most cases. If there is to be a visitation with an open casket, or entombment then embalming will be necessary. If the person is to be placed in a closed casket direct burial or cremation with no service then embalming is not necessary.
Visitation:
This event which takes place at the funeral home is a time to show your support and love for the survivors and a matter of respect for the dead. It can be a time to share fond memories of the deceased. It offers family members a therapeutic, psychological value in facing the reality of death.
Flowers:
You'll need to decide if you want flowers at the service or a donation made in lieu of flowers. Families can choose to have memorials be made to a specific church fund or local charities.
The Funeral (involving the presence of the body):
You will need to decide the location of the service - the church, the funeral home, or at the graveside. Protestant custom today is to have the viewing the preceding evening and the service the following day with scripture, prayer, message, music and the benediction. This may be held at the church or the funeral home chapel. Then follows the procession to the grave where a brief committal service by the pastor is held.
Memorial Service (the body is absent - ashes may be present):
A memorial service held in the church or funeral home chapel affords opportunity to present Christ to the bereaved family and friends of the deceased. In some cases the body of the deceased is given to the funeral director for immediate burial with only the family involved. The service is held on the day or so following.
Please note that FBC needs at least a 48-hour notice to have a memorial service held in its sanctuary.
Body Donation:
The body can be donated to medical science if desired. It would need to be embalmed and then given to a medical school for future education of medical professionals. This can be done after a traditional funeral service. It could also be done directly after death with just a memorial service. When the study of the body is complete, it is cremated and given back to the family if desired. In cases when body or organ donation is chosen there can still be a funeral or memorial service.
Cremation:
Regarding cremation the Christian needs to be reminded that the scriptures do not forbid or command cremation; the scriptures do teach the immortality of the soul and resurrection; and scripture teaches that God can resurrect all bodies whether buried, destroyed, burnt, etc. - this is not questioned. The family has many choices to make regarding cremation such as deciding whether to disperse the ashes, bury them, or keep them.
Cemetery Lot:
You will have to pay for the opening and closing of the grave. Rules as to what is permitted vary. Ask questions. Find out if there are rules about flowers, etc. Be sure to find out if perpetual care is included in the purchase price. Size of the grave, location, restrictions, up-keep, and comparative cost should all be considered ahead of time for the greatest savings and professional advice when one is not grieving.
Cost Of A Funeral:
It has been estimated that the direct cost of the casket and other supplies is approximately half of the funeral cost. The other half covers facility overhead expenses such as: utilities, insurance, salaries, automobiles, etc. In general, average terms, a full-service funeral with burial and visitation including a good or better casket and opening and closing costs at a cemetery (not including plot price) can cost between $5,000 and $8,000. A direct cremation with no services of any kind can be as little as $1,000.
If you do not wish to conduct a visitation and want to keep things simple there is always the option of just holding a graveside service. Instead of a full funeral service at the funeral home or church, the minister conducts a shorter version of the funeral at the graveside. This saves you the cost of embalming and the charges for the funeral service. Most funeral homes have a package that includes all that is necessary for a graveside service.
Dealing With Grief:
Recommended reading for dealing with grief can be found in Funerals Aren't For The Dead by Marty Kovacs, LFD, published by Winepress Publishing in 2002. Several chapters in her book are devoted to how one can cope with the grief experienced following the death of a loved one. She even touches upon special deaths, such as the loss of a baby, child, or someone who committed suicide.
Another helpful book is Grief, Comfort for Those Who Grieve and Those Who Want to Help, by Haddon W. Robinson, published by Discovery House Publishers in 1996.